HAPPY NEW YEAR!!Sorry, have you got a headache? Surprisingly, and smugly, I haven't. I discovered the wonderful, cakey cocktail that is the White Russian this festive period and it either doesn't give me hang overs, or the Matrix reset itself as soon as the clock struck 12 last night (this morning? I'm never sure which 12:00 is a.m or p.m...Considering I'm turning 30 this month, I should probably learn to tell the time soon). Regardless, it's 2018! My knuckles are still white from 2017, so hopefully this year'll be a slower one.
I know that 2017 (and 2016, come to think of it) globally felt like 12 months in the Upside Down, but on a personal level I was lucky in that my problems were all of the "woe is me, my life is too nice!" variety, so please allow me to indulge myself in recapping all the terrible 'troubles' I experienced last year. Hankies at the ready!
1. Moving house is haaaaard
That famous property ladder that everyone and their dog seems to be on? Me and my dog are now on it! We've moved down the M4 to a quiet (if you ignore the motorway that is 2 metres from my back garden...if you close your eyes and pretend you can't hear the honking and/or sirens, you can convince yourself that the traffic is lovely waves lapping at the beach...kind of) area where people do all manner of weird things like making eye contact with you and saying stuff like "Hello!" and "Good morning!" Very odd, but curiously pleasant. I can't beat them, so I suppose I'll have to join them.
2. Changing jobs is haaaaard
I secured myself a new jobbo - a role that mostly involves organising stuff (diaries! Stationary! Post-its! BIROS! *rubs knees*) and writing bits of content for internal staff. It comes with an hour-long commute each way, where I'm forced to laugh at podcasts for 60 whole minutes before I can be reunited with my beloved diary and Word documents. The toil! The torment!
3. My weird foot
...the name of my debut album/autobiography. Dibs!
After a whole year of appointments, acupuncture, physio and having my feet rubbed by professionals (not strangers at the bus stop - I assume that's not how most people make friends), the wonky foot I dragged through a marathon in 2015 is now.... still a bit fucked! Think it's safe to say that my brief career in shuffling is on indefinite hiatus, but this is fine - mostly because it has to be, but it no longer has me weeping and flailing like a damsel in a black and white movie every time I feel the slightest twinge in it. For now, the weird, achy appendage at the end of my right leg is part of me, and together we will continue to enjoy the fact that I'm still able to walk round the block to empty the dog twice a day, go to functional fitness classes to be forced to do burpees with other sweaty people, and to go to the (pretty decent for a fiver a month) gym at my new workplace.
If it weren't for all my foot faff, I would never have got over my fear/disdain for gym machines. I used to be a bit snobby about them, but have since come to realise that they are there to help you move weight safely, and that they can be pretty fun. Niggly sports injuries - the great humbler of exercise snobs the world over!*
4. No bugger I know has the same surname any more!
This year, I have attended 4 weddings (no funerals, thankfully), 2 hen parties (wheeey! Hen! Hen! Hen! Hen!) and one baby shower. In my friendship group, there has been a sudden, seismic shift into proper-grown-updom. I've been all over Britain in fancy frocks, watching my friends wear even fancier frocks while they promise to fancy their partners in fancy suits for the rest of their lives.
It's been so nice to have gone to so many parties and celebrate with them. The only issue that arises from this is that while my liver is reeling from the constant onslaught of these events (I'm pretty sure there's a space where my liver used to be that's now occupied by prosecco bubbles and tequila *gag*), it sometimes takes me a minute to figure out who that person is with the surname I'm not used to seeing on my Facebook feed - "oh, it's that friend I've known since she used to bring traffic cones home from their nights out!"
To sum up, I got 99 problems, but a real one ain't one.
May 2018 bring you lots of similar trials and tribulations. We can all form a support group and discuss how terribly terrible our lives are, and if it helps, we can have wine and cheese too.
Also, if it turns out to be yet another year in the upside down, don't worry - I've got us covered:
Just call me Will Byers
* Being as I'm not likely to be crossing any race start lines, let alone finish lines any time soon, I'm a bit torn over the name/URL of this blog...please visit the Rebecca Writes and Runs Facebook page to help me out with the poll I'm going to put up. I would be much appreciate. Thanking you muchly.