Monday, 18 February 2013

5 Things To Do... Whilst Dying Your Hair

One of my favourite things - of which there aren't a great deal, I admit, about dying my unkempt head-nest is that magical 30-45 minutes that you have to kill between apply and rinse. It's not long enough to properly get stuck into something, and you can't exactly go for a stroll looking like you're channelling a strong There's Something About Mary vibe, so it feels like a kind of time-vortex that you can spend as you please. During my last self-dye job (before the Spockbrow incident), I compiled this list of things to do whilst dying your hair. How very girly of me:

1. Plaster all of your hair flat to your head and imagine how you'd look bald (fit, I bet!). Crank up some tunes and dance, baldy, dance!! Some old faithful tracks from my playlist:

- LippsInc: Funky Town
- Wild Cherry: Play That Funky Music White Boy
- Blondie: Heart Of Glass
- Florence And The Machine: Kiss With A Fist
- Any Blink 182 song. There is no wrong Blink 182 song.

2. Plan to do some work, but instead end up on Youtube for half an hour. Here are some videos that should kill some time: - Jenna Marbles: What Girls Do In The Bathroom - My Drunk Kitchen: Ice Cream - Bad Lip Reading: More Twilight - Deap Valley: Gonna Make My Own Money (choon!)

3. This requires some prep before you apply the hair dye:

* Remove the contents of your home dye kit and store them somewhere hidden for later use. Put the box back in your bag/ satchel/ skin pouch (if you're a kangaroo/ have evolved skin pockets).

* Tell your housemate/ family/ live-in luuurve buddy that you bought this awesome hair removal stuff today, which is supposed to leave your legs, like sooo smooth for over a month etc. etc. )You can already see where I'm going with this one, can't you, Clever Clogs? Damn, you's smart!).

* Talk about some other stuff for a bit.

* Casually announce that you are off to the bathroom to dye your lustrous mane.

* Apply hair dye, and go back to the person you were talking to.

* Complain about your head itching and ask if they're cooking something, because you can smell burning.

* Pretend to distractedly root through your bag a bit, only to resurface puzzled with the empty dye box that you stashed earlier. Make confused eye contact. Wait for it to dawn on your victim that you have just caked your head in hair removal cream, and judge them based on their reaction.

4. Stand creepily in the window and stare unblinkingly at passers by. Offer the occasional po-faced wave.

5. Eat everything in sight as you think about how to best kill your time. Before you know it, you'll have a bad case of the cookie burps, but time will have flown!

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