Wednesday, 20 March 2013

Relationships: How To Make Yourself Miserable

1.  Analyze everything he/she says, because they obviously have an agenda.

2.  Tar all members of his/her sex with the same brush.  He/she is of that gender and therefore must be a liar/cheater/crazy bitch/emotionally needy person (circle as required).

3.  Refuse to trust a word he/she says, because someone with the same private parts (same kind - not exactly the same.  Too weird.  Penis twiiiins!!) hurt you this one time.

4.  Constantly worry about how you weigh up to their exes.  Sure, he/she is with you now - but they were with him/her there must have been something they liked about them.  Something they had that you don't. 

5.  Spend every hour of every day wondering when he/she will figure out that you're not all you're cracked up to be and leave you when they realise how gross/dumb/ugly you are compared to the plethora of better people out there waiting for them.

6.  Your partner is being quiet/grumpy/distant: Blame yourself and rack your brains through the hundreds of things you might have done that made them this way.  Await your imminent dumping in between parroting "Are you okay?  Have I done something wrong?  Tell meee!!"

7.  Totally rely on the moods and affections of one person to act as the foundations of your already shaky self confidence.

8.  Don't do anything for yourself.  Only do what makes him/her happy.  Torture yourself if you feel you have failed in any way to do this.

9.  Forget to like yourself because you're too busy focusing on him/her.

10.  Forget that whatever happens between you two (great or horribly painful), you will eventually emerge from it okay.  Because, in the end, you have to be.

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