Sunday, 20 April 2014

Suitable Activities For 5am

I've just experienced a chain of events that have lead to my being wide awake at 5am - an hour I never see unless I've got a plane to catch (rare). Said chain was started by a phonecall from resident boy companion from a kebab shop up the road, requesting my driving services.

 I was told there'd be pizza in it for me.

Ass-crack-of-dawn pizza is the best kind of pizza, and I'm happy to say that two slices have been demolished in bed so far with more to follow.  I have tomato purée on my face as we speak.  Glorious.

Trouble is, I'm now wide awake, and it's so close to actual daytime that I can't see much point in going back to bed.  Resident boy is snoring peacefully on the bathroom floor and being guarded by the ever faithful resident cat, or at least being watched curiously because he's never seen either of the humans sleep in the mysterious white room where all the water comes from before:

"Human, is you okay down there?!"

Anyway, I'm not quite sure what to do with myself. 5am is one of those weird times where you can't really get up and do something productive because the sun's not up, and that's just plain wrong.  Plus, I can't stray too far from the bed just in case my body realises what time it actually is and sends me into a sudden mini coma.

Based on my scant experiences of being up and about at this strange and ungodly hour - usually instances where I've been ill, or simply not gone to bed (i.e any time when I was still a student and didn't require naps to get me through a whole day.  Actually, that's a lie.  I've always been an ardent fan of naps.  The thug life is a sleepy one), I've compiled a short list of things that are acceptable to do at this not-quite-day-but-not-quite-night time:

1.  Wander expressionless around the house with a mug of tea in one hand, picking up objects and putting them down with the other.

2.  Watch sitcoms that last no longer than 20mins (American ones, then) just incase you doze off unexpectedly.  I recommend Modern Family.

3. Document that fact that you are up at 5am on the internet because  you are so rare and special for being up at this time, and everybody'll want to hear about it.

4.  Absentmindedly stroke the cat until you realise that you've been petting your dressing gown for fifteen minutes while the cat sits apart, judging you.

5.  Think of all the awesome extra stuff you're going to be able to do with your day now that it has a few extra hours in it... until you inevitably crash out and hate yourself for making such a stupid decision to stay awake.  Idiot.

6.  Stare at the same page of a book until the words start to go all swimmy.

7. Contemplate upgrading to coffee from the tea so that your picking up and putting down of household objects can be, if not less pointless, at least more aggressive.

8.  Flick through all your Facebook photos and get all weird and emotional about how much you love your friends because you've had 3 hours' sleep, and you just, like, love them so much! Something in my eye...

9. Contemplate moving your boyfriend so that you can use your own bathroom facilities.  

10. Fail spectacularly at moving aforementioned boyfriend as you have no upper body strength.  Instead throw a blanket over him and let cat sleep on his side of bed.

11. Absentmindedly stroke cat and glare at street lights in window to catch the exact second they flick off so you can get up and get shit done.

Hope you all had a happy Easter and that Jesus brought you lots of chocolate eggs!

 It's now quarter to six, and I think I see daylight coming!

[falls into a deep sleep]

No comments:

Post a Comment

Hmm? What was that? Tell it to me again, but in the comments box.