Saturday, 9 August 2014

In Defence of the Humble Nap

My name is Becky, and I am a serial napper.  There, I said it.  Nice to get that off my chest.  

In fact, I just sprang up from a stealthy half hour right now. So stealthy that even I didn't know it was coming.  Seriously. I have the hair to prove it:

Exhibit A:

p.s That's not a snazzy earring.  I just hang my race medals on a curtain hook.  Happy accident.
pps.  No, I don't have curtains. What? It's out of principle, okay?  God.

I am writing this post today to reach out to more of my kind.  To let others know that napping is not a pastime reserved solely for infants and the old and infirm.  Napping is a human RIGHT to those of all ages.  Yes, they may stain our pillows, desks and significant others with drool, and yes, it might look a bit rude when you're snoring throughout something that your sofa buddy finds inexplicably interesting (*cough*football*cough*).... But dammit, naps make us feel refreshed and happy (aliiiive!), and therefore they make us better people to be around.  After the initial "Where am I? What year is this?" confusion upon waking anyway.

As napping is a fundamental human right in my eyes, I feel (nay, know) that there need not be any excuse to have a nap...

Okay, well maybe sometimes you need an excuse.  Like in the middle of a meeting at work or while driving.  Probably not appropriate thenRegardless of this, I have compiled a list for the more tentative dozers - for those shy of sneaking a little daytime shut-eye into their day.  I want to let them know that napping is okay.  More than okay.  Admirable!

These reasons for napping are valid and non negotiable.  Read on, my sleepy bretheren:

1.  It is warm.

2.  Food has recently been consumed.  Digestion is a tiring process.

3. You are comfortable.

4.  You are being forced to complete a task that you absolutely do not want to do, but your socks are already paired, dishes and laundry done, and all household pets including the goldfish have had a bath.  A nap is one last, valiant bid at procrastination.

5.  You have attended work today.  You brave soldier.  Have a cheeky twenty.

6.  Sport is on the TV.

7.  That programme where the men talk about football you can't see while watching TV sets themselves is on.  Does not compute.  Must nap.

8.  You have somewhere important to be... in a bit.

9.  You have a Pavlovian response to being in your pyjamas.  Jammie time = sleepy time.

10.  You have just partaken in any kind of physical activity.  Yes, this includes reaching for the biscuits on that very high shelf.  That was a treacherous mission and you deserve a reward.  Maybe just finish chewing that biscuit first, though.

11.  You are drunk, and the cubicle wall is nice and cool on your face.  Just sit and be for five.  You'll be right as rain in a b- zzzzz....

It's nice to spread awareness.  Am a veritable activist, lady Jesus type.  You could even call me a hero, if you wanted to.  

You could, you know.  If you wanted.

Now, go forth and nap!  Make the world a happier, slightly-more-awake-for-the-rest-of-the-day place to be!



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