Thursday, 9 October 2014

Winter Is Coming

Today, I have a day off work. I had a monster 10 hour sleep and have spent the day so far in a grumpy stupor, with the sense of purpose and I.Q of a single celled amoeba. Must nearly be winter.  

The only thing that's made me laugh once today was remembering the dream I had last night where I found out that A likes to dress up as Mrs Doubtfire at fairgrounds so that no one  discovers his severe addiction to claw machines and arcade games.

I was going to make this post about how much I hate the colder months. I have enough reasons to write a short, (and probably pretty boring) book. To name a but a few:

1.  Winter makes me miss the glowy, comforting feeling of sunshine on my skin. Because I'm numb to all sensation under a billion layers of clothing. 

2.  Running when it's windy makes me feel all warm (translate: furious) and tingly (murderous and/or stabby) inside.

3.  Lack of sunlight magically transforms me from a grinning, manic, outdoorsy type to a sniveling, manic hermit who hates everything and everyone. Taa-bloody-daa!

As you can see, this kind of list wasn't going to do anyone any favours (but who am I trying to help because I  hate you all and why is my nose so bloody COLD?!), so I've decided to turn my idea on its arse and dredge up some reasons why winter is secretly awesomeness in (very convincing, mind) disguise. Plus, I've just eaten a pork panini, and I thought I'd ride the temporary food-high to positive-land like a meaty unicorn made of bread.  So, here is why winter is [swallows. Hard] ... good:

1.  Despite its numbing qualities, it's fun to deploy the coat with the big, furry hood and imagine you're an Eskimo bear on an adventure whenever you go outside. Grr!

2.  When it's not windy, running in the cold beats running in the heat, hands down.  You no longer feel like you are sweating from the eyeballs.

3.  PUDDLES!!  If you live in Wales, then this also applies to summer, but hey ho.

4.  Aside from at Christmas time, cities become quieter havens where you and a select few of your fellow voluntary loner/would-totally-be-a-hermit-if-society-didn't-frown-upon-it types can enjoy magazines and blogging on the sly in coffee shops (Hello from Waterstones!  I'm going to buy some crisps now).

5.  Christmas is awesome, despite what the Scrooge-y types say.  How can you hate a season that permits the display of excessive fairy lights and mismatched tat?  Tis the season to be gleefully naff.

6.  Onesies.  I just bought my first of the season.  It's a men's dinosaur one, complete with dinosaur head hood. I win at life.

Look how ferocious I am.

7.  You can justify your out of control caffeine addiction as comforting beverage consumption that you need to keep you warm.  Because it's hard to stay cold when you've got the involuntary shakes.

8.  Laziness is encouraged.  How can you be expected to go out in that?!

9.  The chaos Britain descends into when a solitary snowflake drifts to the ground.  Don't moan about how rubbish we are in adverse weather on Facebook.  Embrace it!  Wear your emergency snow helmet (the one with the viking horns and tinsel on it) and knee pads to work and pray with all your might that today is the day you get to go home to your pyjamas and the cat at 1pm on a Tuesday.

10.  Slippers.  It's hard to stay angry when your feet are covered in a toasty layer of fluff.

So, there we are.  Winter's not so bad!  And if my list has failed to cheer you fellow winter grouches, I assure you that eating lots of food will  spike your mood for at least thirty glorious minutes - enough time to quickly bash out a blog post before you crash face first into your tea, weeping because you don't live in Australia, where it's always hot and there are koalas and other things that are infinitely cooler than what we've got in stupid, cold Britain.

Stupid winter.

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