Sunday, 21 December 2014

Holidays Are Coming, Holidays Are Coming!

Only a few sleeps til the fat man in red creeps into our homes while we're unconscious (no wonder my sister was scared of Santa as a kid.  Seems only logical if you think about it)! I'm just crawling out of the coughy, sneezy tar pit that was my annual winter cold/flu thing.  All limbs intact, but seem to have gained a cold sore the size of France.  I'm no festive fitty, but at least I got my manflu out of the way before Christmas, as opposed to smack bang in the middle of the holiday like last year.  Silver linings and all that.

Coming down with an almighty case of the "eew, get away from me!!"s is all par for the course during the countdown to Crimbo, among multiple other things that it just wouldn't be Christmas time without.  Some people don't feel like it's Jesus-Is-Here-Oh-Look-Presents time until they've seen that Coca Cola ad with the truck in it.  Others don't feel right until they've erected their tree. 

Heehee.  Erected.

I've taken time out of my super busy schedule of emptying the fridge I just refilled and avoiding football noises from the TV to create my own personal list of stuff that has to happen in the lead-up to Wear-Something-Stretchy-Lest-You-Burst Day for it to officially be Christmas time.  Hope you enjoy!

1.  Compulsory viewing of Nightmare Before Christmas/Muppets Christmas Carol/Elf/Edward Scissorhands.  List gets longer every year.

2.  Abandon all intention of eating like a regular human up until the big day.  Instead opt to "sample" all available snacky items/gifts to ensure they are fit for consumption by the people you will be sharing them with come Christmas.  It's the polite thing to do! No one likes a disappointing snack.  

3.  Buy all of the standup comedy DVDs for self before even considering what to buy for relatives.  So far I've watched Lee Evans (meh. Not as good as his older stuff) and Jon Richardsons' (woo! OCD and neuroses! My kind of comedy) new ones.  Sarah Millican, I'm coming to get you next!

4.  Get even a minor case of the sniffles and hold off any and all forms of exercise for at least a week, telling yourself that it is for your own good.  

5.  Find self at end of said week sadly looking out the window, shoveling Nik Naks into face and wondering how you ever managed to put your trainers and go outside in that before.

6.  Go shopping for presents in real world, because it's much more festive than using the boring old internet.  All the smells and the lights and the trumpetty music and miserable faces, and stranger body parts digging into your body parts (not like that!), and the cold, and, and ... Abandon ship and order everything you need off Amazon from safety of car instead.  It's a bloodbath out there.

7.  Oh my God!  No hang over.  It's a Christmas miracle! This is AMAZING!! I have to get up and dance for jo- Oh, right. Still drunk.  Back to bed to wait for the pain to come.  Sigh.

8.  Convince self that not eating advent calendar chocolate for a few days and then cramming all of said days' worth into gob when feeling a bit munchy down the line is much healthier option.  Am saint.  

9.  Experience full-body rage twitches when the Christmas cards have fallen off the window sill for the billionth time because you dared to walk near them.  How fast do I walk?!

10.  Trawl Youtube for covers of classic Christmas songs =).  Here's my favourite.  Walk Off The Earth (they did that cover of Gotye's Somebody That I Used To Know where they all shared one guitar)'s cover of Fairytale of New York. May it give you the warm tinglies too!

Merry Christmas, you scum bags, you maggots!  Hope you have an amazing few days!



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